Let me first start off by saying I am totally biased here. I am a big fan of Big Wreck. They're pretty well the only band that kept me interested and hopeful about rock and roll thru the late '90s and the early '00s (my hope for the future was misplaced it turns out, but I didn't know that at the time). I liked both their big records, even tho everyone liked their first and no one really seemed to like their second.
Furthermore, I went to see them several times, including once in 1990somethin' and once last year on what I guess could be called their re-union tour. Both times, it was clear to me that there is one immutable fact I am sure of. Ian Thornley is a monster. Both as a vocalist, a lyricist, and a guitarist. If he was working in any other time in rock history, I shudder to think what he could do with an electric guitar. But he's working now, which means if he plays guitar too much, the record company won't want to have anything to do with him.
He has gotten in bed with Chad Kroeger too, and that's a pretty big problem for me. I have trouble trusting him to be an artist. I have trouble believing in his words and his notes the way I would like to. The way I do in the words and notes of Hendrix, Springsteen, Stevie Ray, Phil Lynott. I think Ian Thornley COULD be one of those guys, and Big Wreck COULD be one of those bands.
But with their latest release they have counted themselves out of that group. I'm not sure why they've done this, but I'm sure how.
Paulo Neta.
I know this sounds weird, but I notice these things. I notice when My Darkest Days, a band I ran into a few times in my other life as a Toronto rock musician, get a new guitarist. I notice when I walk into a showcase for another shitty band I don't like and see the same guest guitarist on stage. And I notice when I pay fairly good money to see Big Wreck reunited only to be presented with the same guy in THEIR lineup. And I notice when I open the cover of the cd I just bought and see that same fuckin' guest spot guy in the freakin' band!
I do not like this guy. And I think he has made it impossible for me to like Big Wreck's latest release. Never mind that the songs are at best only slightly promising. Never mind that the record is written, recorded and mixed so that only very little of Mr. Thornley's genius is allowed to peek out. Even if this was a truly goose-bump inducing record (which it is not), I would still have a big problem with Paulo Neta even bringing these guys coffee, much less playing in the band.
I'm sure he's a swell fella, okay? Before all 13 of you who read this review get on Facebook and say things like "I've met Paulo, he's a great guy and a great guitarist", I will tell you this: I don't know him as a person, and he could be mother goddam Teresa and I'd still feel the same way about him. I applaud him for having whatever skill it is that allows you to make a living as a musician these days. I applaud him because he is actually quite a good backing vocalist. But there is no way in hell he should be on a Big Wreck album.
Big Wreck is a band that can truly play and write all on their own. I think their previous releases speak for themselves in this respect. There is no reason for them to bring in a mercenary. There is no reason for them to bring in the guy that shit bands bring in to make them sound halfway decent on stage.
Correction. There is no ARTISTIC reason to do this.
There are dozens of OTHER reasons that all have to do with placating record companies, financiers, well connected people in the music biz. But those people are the necessary evil that I tolerate and buy the music IN SPITE OF. When I see a plug in Big Wreck, when I see the same guy in this band who was brought in as a crutch to make sure My Darkest Days could live up to their recording when they play important Toronto shows, I smell a rat.
Something's up here. It's like walking into your favorite steak house and seeing the local McDonalds manager in the kitchen. Even if the food still tastes great, you wonder what the hell is a burger flipper doing cooking my $30 steak.
This is how I feel about the fact that Paulo Neta is in this band. And it frankly ruins the musical experience for me. Because Big Wreck was a band that came into a very poor '90s rock scene and said "We'll have none of this weak-ass post-grunge garbage. We play guitars loud and banjos loud and we sing and if you don't like it, you can straight fuck off". And I really liked that about them. I like the same thing about Ian Thornley. He has SOUL, he has HEART, he has INSPIRATION! And yet the powers that be won't let him show it and worse, they'll saddle him with a replacement studio guitarist as a side man.
If you ask me, I think there's a reason this record is called Albatross. Paulo Neta is The Albatross around the neck of Big Wreck.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
New Van Halen Record - A Different Kind of Truthiness
I bought the newest release from Van Halen today. I paid actual money (cash no less) for a disk of music that was made after 1994. That in and of itself is notable. But I suppose I kinda have to buy this album, because if you wanna give your favorite band a real chance to bowl you over, you have to get the disk and hold it in your hands. I even forked over the extra 5 bones to get the deluxe edition with the DVD.
Don't buy the deluxe edition with the DVD.
It just isn't worth the money. It's just the four of 'em playing acoustic versions of some new and some old tunes. And it's not very good. Ed doesn't really have the hands to play an acoustic fluidly anymore. He looks like an old man cowering behind a large guitar he can barely control. And Dave doesn't really have the voice to be exposed live like this either.
HOWEVER
The album is another story altogether. It is not good like the old albums are good, but with the possible exception of ACDC, they do a better job than any band of their era has done with a new album since you stopped writing 1999 on your cheques.
This album features many of the things that a classic VH album should have. There's lots of "Hot for Teacher" fast shuffles, there's plenty of killer guitar playing, lots of "arm out the window driving to the beach in the summertime" backing vocals and there are LOTS of songs from the famous 51 song demo.
A little background on just what the hell I'm talking about:
When Van Halen were signed to a record deal in 1977, they recorded what they thought were their best 51 original songs at the time, and then chose the songs that would appear on the first album (Van Halen released in 1978). They continued to take material from this demo recording for each subsequent album until somewhere around 1986 or so. I have heard lots of songs from this demo, and lots of THOSE songs are on this new album, with lyrics changed. Tattoo, She's The Woman, Bullethead, Big River and Beats Workin' are re-worked from the 1978 tape (originally Down in Flames, She's The Woman, Bullethead, Big Trouble and Put Out The Lights respectively).
So in a lot of ways this album was made to satisfy the demand for a "classic" VH record. And it SEEMS like it should be able to do that. But it doesn't really. And it's not for lack of speed, intensity or bombast.
It's the songs. They're just not good enough to compete with anything in the previous Dave era VH catalog. In fact they're not even good enough to compete with "Can't Get This Stuff No More" from the greatest hits record of 1997. The thing is, they're not far off at all. Just a LITTLE more tweaking, a LITTLE more editing, a LITTLE more thought put into the lyrics, and this COULD be an album on par with 1980's Women And Children First. The reason it's not, in my opinion, is that these guys can't argue with each other anymore.
The confrontation between Eddie and Dave is the stuff of legend. Two very different personalities, both extremely talented, opinionated people, battling it out for the role of leader of Van Halen. Well, so many years later they're grown-ups who don't NEED to work as musicians anymore, and so if they get to fuedin', one is gonna kick the other out of his studio (Eddie) or call his band mates out in the press (Dave). We have seen this play out no less than 3 times since Dave last recorded an album with the band back in the oh so golden year that was 1984.
It basically means that they have to leave the songs as they are after everyone has put in their first draft contribution. No picking the other guy's ideas apart and making them better. And that shows. It shows in the lyrics (the first and second verse of Tattoo and the pre-chorus of You and Your Blues). It shows in the song arrangement (there are lots of solo sections and other little parts that really drag the songs down). The songs are not the tight atomic bombs that were a staple of the early VH material.
But for all it's shortcomings, it does have some magic moments. The afformentioned You and Your Blues is one of the nicest songs on there despite it's lyrical stumbling. Blood and Fire brings the band closest to duplicating the fun of their classic Dance The Night Away. Outta Space is the one rare tightly written song. And Big River is my favorite riff from the 1977 demo tape. So there are some high points.
Buy the record, because it's good as compared to everybody else's records (which as you all know are mostly aweful ... ahem ... Nickelback), but it's no vintage VH.
And now I'm gonna go listen to it for the 4th time today.
Don't buy the deluxe edition with the DVD.
It just isn't worth the money. It's just the four of 'em playing acoustic versions of some new and some old tunes. And it's not very good. Ed doesn't really have the hands to play an acoustic fluidly anymore. He looks like an old man cowering behind a large guitar he can barely control. And Dave doesn't really have the voice to be exposed live like this either.
HOWEVER
The album is another story altogether. It is not good like the old albums are good, but with the possible exception of ACDC, they do a better job than any band of their era has done with a new album since you stopped writing 1999 on your cheques.
This album features many of the things that a classic VH album should have. There's lots of "Hot for Teacher" fast shuffles, there's plenty of killer guitar playing, lots of "arm out the window driving to the beach in the summertime" backing vocals and there are LOTS of songs from the famous 51 song demo.
A little background on just what the hell I'm talking about:
When Van Halen were signed to a record deal in 1977, they recorded what they thought were their best 51 original songs at the time, and then chose the songs that would appear on the first album (Van Halen released in 1978). They continued to take material from this demo recording for each subsequent album until somewhere around 1986 or so. I have heard lots of songs from this demo, and lots of THOSE songs are on this new album, with lyrics changed. Tattoo, She's The Woman, Bullethead, Big River and Beats Workin' are re-worked from the 1978 tape (originally Down in Flames, She's The Woman, Bullethead, Big Trouble and Put Out The Lights respectively).
So in a lot of ways this album was made to satisfy the demand for a "classic" VH record. And it SEEMS like it should be able to do that. But it doesn't really. And it's not for lack of speed, intensity or bombast.
It's the songs. They're just not good enough to compete with anything in the previous Dave era VH catalog. In fact they're not even good enough to compete with "Can't Get This Stuff No More" from the greatest hits record of 1997. The thing is, they're not far off at all. Just a LITTLE more tweaking, a LITTLE more editing, a LITTLE more thought put into the lyrics, and this COULD be an album on par with 1980's Women And Children First. The reason it's not, in my opinion, is that these guys can't argue with each other anymore.
The confrontation between Eddie and Dave is the stuff of legend. Two very different personalities, both extremely talented, opinionated people, battling it out for the role of leader of Van Halen. Well, so many years later they're grown-ups who don't NEED to work as musicians anymore, and so if they get to fuedin', one is gonna kick the other out of his studio (Eddie) or call his band mates out in the press (Dave). We have seen this play out no less than 3 times since Dave last recorded an album with the band back in the oh so golden year that was 1984.
It basically means that they have to leave the songs as they are after everyone has put in their first draft contribution. No picking the other guy's ideas apart and making them better. And that shows. It shows in the lyrics (the first and second verse of Tattoo and the pre-chorus of You and Your Blues). It shows in the song arrangement (there are lots of solo sections and other little parts that really drag the songs down). The songs are not the tight atomic bombs that were a staple of the early VH material.
But for all it's shortcomings, it does have some magic moments. The afformentioned You and Your Blues is one of the nicest songs on there despite it's lyrical stumbling. Blood and Fire brings the band closest to duplicating the fun of their classic Dance The Night Away. Outta Space is the one rare tightly written song. And Big River is my favorite riff from the 1977 demo tape. So there are some high points.
Buy the record, because it's good as compared to everybody else's records (which as you all know are mostly aweful ... ahem ... Nickelback), but it's no vintage VH.
And now I'm gonna go listen to it for the 4th time today.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The End of Europe?
Usually I don't write about politics or world events in this blog but I wanna talk about a Time Magazine article I read this morning. Rana Foorohar's The End of Europe.
In the article, Ms. Foroohar is basically saying that the age of prosperity is over for Europe and the western world and the symptoms of this are the current economic meltdown. This kind of writing pisses me off for lots of reasons, but mostly because she's supposed to be smarter than me and she's ignoring a few basic realities of the European Union and the western world in general.
First and foremost, when immigrants stop flooding into North America and Western Europe by the hundreds of thousands and start going in the other direction (ie. INTO places like Iran, China, Pakistan, India etc.), you can seriously start talking about the decline of the entire western way of life. For the time being, people from around the globe are packing themselves and their children into boat hulls, truck trailers and freight trains just to get out of the crappy place they come from and live in the supposedly declining west. This is an important point that journalists seem to like to ignore, because it unravels every argument about what a failure the western way of life is.
Second, the European Union (and subsequently the euro currency) is an extraordinarily bad idea and has been from the very beginning. The reason the European Union is, was, and will be a doomed entity is simple. No one runs it and no one votes for it.
To my understanding, the EU has a central bank that has some control over the supply of the Euro. But the EU has no democratically elected governance. The EU is essentially run by Germany and France by default. Those are the only 2 countries that can sustain the currency and the union in any meaningful way. On this, Ms. Foorohar and I seem to agree.
The reason why that's a bad idea is because Spaniards and Italians didn't have a vote on the subject. And for that matter, neither did the Germans or the French. Somewhere in Spain and Italy and Greece, there are responsible, hardworking people who are NOT interested in handouts from Germany and France and who ARE interested in being in control of their own economy and holding their own government responsible for its relative success or failure. This, by the way, is one of the nice benefits of living in the western world - you can hold your elected officials responsible for the crap they pull.
But the way the EU works now, there's no one to blame. How does an Italian voice his displeasure to German leaders for considering a bailout of Italy? How does a French voter make it clear to the government of Greece that they need to get their financial house in order? The answer of course is that he/she isn't able to do anything like that. And that creates a bizarre, unfair and undemocratic situation where German politicians are going to decide the fate and future of the Spanish people (for instance). History has shown us time and time again that this kind of disconnect between power and responsibility is always a very very bad idea. It leads to disharmony on all sides.
Third, I don't like the implication that the demise of the EU would somehow rob Europeans of "the dream of multiculturalism". This is a bullshit viewpoint. Multiculturalism doesn't occur when a government decides it's time to make it so. It occurs when people from various racial, ethnic and geographic backgrounds come together in one place and build a prosperous society. It's not something you can force into being by symbolically throwing a big hug around everybody in Europe. The only thing governments need to do to foster a pluralistic society is a) avoid creating laws or practices that sort people by their religion or skin colour and b) get out of people's way when they want to make money. Despite the best efforts of bleeding hearts here in Canada and in Europe, this is exactly what's going on everywhere in the western world. We have multiculturalism. It is not a dream. It's real and we built it.
What needs to happen in Europe is they need to rip off the euro band aid as quickly as possible and get back to the clumsy but superior pluralism of Europe as a continent, not a union. Each country's government must be first and foremost responsible and accountable to its own people within its own borders. And too bad if international corporations have to spend a few extra bucks converting currency. Would you rather have to change your money when you cross the border, or would you rather have no money to change at all?
In the article, Ms. Foroohar is basically saying that the age of prosperity is over for Europe and the western world and the symptoms of this are the current economic meltdown. This kind of writing pisses me off for lots of reasons, but mostly because she's supposed to be smarter than me and she's ignoring a few basic realities of the European Union and the western world in general.
First and foremost, when immigrants stop flooding into North America and Western Europe by the hundreds of thousands and start going in the other direction (ie. INTO places like Iran, China, Pakistan, India etc.), you can seriously start talking about the decline of the entire western way of life. For the time being, people from around the globe are packing themselves and their children into boat hulls, truck trailers and freight trains just to get out of the crappy place they come from and live in the supposedly declining west. This is an important point that journalists seem to like to ignore, because it unravels every argument about what a failure the western way of life is.
Second, the European Union (and subsequently the euro currency) is an extraordinarily bad idea and has been from the very beginning. The reason the European Union is, was, and will be a doomed entity is simple. No one runs it and no one votes for it.
To my understanding, the EU has a central bank that has some control over the supply of the Euro. But the EU has no democratically elected governance. The EU is essentially run by Germany and France by default. Those are the only 2 countries that can sustain the currency and the union in any meaningful way. On this, Ms. Foorohar and I seem to agree.
The reason why that's a bad idea is because Spaniards and Italians didn't have a vote on the subject. And for that matter, neither did the Germans or the French. Somewhere in Spain and Italy and Greece, there are responsible, hardworking people who are NOT interested in handouts from Germany and France and who ARE interested in being in control of their own economy and holding their own government responsible for its relative success or failure. This, by the way, is one of the nice benefits of living in the western world - you can hold your elected officials responsible for the crap they pull.
But the way the EU works now, there's no one to blame. How does an Italian voice his displeasure to German leaders for considering a bailout of Italy? How does a French voter make it clear to the government of Greece that they need to get their financial house in order? The answer of course is that he/she isn't able to do anything like that. And that creates a bizarre, unfair and undemocratic situation where German politicians are going to decide the fate and future of the Spanish people (for instance). History has shown us time and time again that this kind of disconnect between power and responsibility is always a very very bad idea. It leads to disharmony on all sides.
Third, I don't like the implication that the demise of the EU would somehow rob Europeans of "the dream of multiculturalism". This is a bullshit viewpoint. Multiculturalism doesn't occur when a government decides it's time to make it so. It occurs when people from various racial, ethnic and geographic backgrounds come together in one place and build a prosperous society. It's not something you can force into being by symbolically throwing a big hug around everybody in Europe. The only thing governments need to do to foster a pluralistic society is a) avoid creating laws or practices that sort people by their religion or skin colour and b) get out of people's way when they want to make money. Despite the best efforts of bleeding hearts here in Canada and in Europe, this is exactly what's going on everywhere in the western world. We have multiculturalism. It is not a dream. It's real and we built it.
What needs to happen in Europe is they need to rip off the euro band aid as quickly as possible and get back to the clumsy but superior pluralism of Europe as a continent, not a union. Each country's government must be first and foremost responsible and accountable to its own people within its own borders. And too bad if international corporations have to spend a few extra bucks converting currency. Would you rather have to change your money when you cross the border, or would you rather have no money to change at all?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Retired? At 35?!?!?!
Not quite.
I posted last week on my Facebook account that I was "done with live performance" or something along those lines. What I mean to say is I'm done chasing gigs around. I'm done calling booking guys and dealing with their incredibly flaky and annoying ways. I'm done with bar owners and their penchant for not writing ANYTHING down and not remembering who the hell we (the brothers from other mothers) are.
I will however come out of this quasi-retirement for weddings, cottage parties, pool parties, etc. If you call me and you've got a small-to-medium entertainment budget, we're your acoustic party rock duo.
http://www.facebook.com/thebrothersfromothermothers
I posted last week on my Facebook account that I was "done with live performance" or something along those lines. What I mean to say is I'm done chasing gigs around. I'm done calling booking guys and dealing with their incredibly flaky and annoying ways. I'm done with bar owners and their penchant for not writing ANYTHING down and not remembering who the hell we (the brothers from other mothers) are.
I will however come out of this quasi-retirement for weddings, cottage parties, pool parties, etc. If you call me and you've got a small-to-medium entertainment budget, we're your acoustic party rock duo.
http://www.facebook.com/thebrothersfromothermothers
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
5 week old paranoia...
So we had a kid about 5 weeks ago. We pretty much means my wife did it and I posted it on Facebook. The first few days were crazy. Up was down, down was left, no sleep. But we got out of the hospital in one piece and everyone was just fine. He ate, he slept, he breathed. Just what we wanted.
But then came week 4. Not so much with the sleeping. And the eating was happening ALL THE TIME, but not as calm as before. So clearly the first time parents went into overdrive. Rampant googling of colic, normal sleeping patterns, normal eating patterns. Is he okay when he only sleeps for 20 minutes at a time? When he cries even when he's been fed?
So we tried the gripe water (yeah, I spelled that right). We tried the moving his feet counter-clockwise to relieve gas. We tried taking him outside, bringing him inside, feeding him right away, waiting to feed him. We tried the football hold, the pillow, the gripe water, and I said that already! Just nothing but crying and flailing and crying. Do you know how it feels to have the person who's whole life you're responsible for be suffering and you can't do a thing about it??
Is this some kind of digestive disorder? Did we accidentally have him looking at the tv screen when the ad for the next slasher flick came on and now he's traumatized? Am I holding him "wrong"? Is he pissed off all the time and will this some day come out when he's 22 and a meth addict and we're bailing him out of jail and he says, "Dad, why didn't you just figure out what was bothering me at 5 weeks, my life could have been totally different and I wouldn't be here right now picking scabs off my face and playing Frogger all day"?
And then we gave him a hat.
Problem solved.
But then came week 4. Not so much with the sleeping. And the eating was happening ALL THE TIME, but not as calm as before. So clearly the first time parents went into overdrive. Rampant googling of colic, normal sleeping patterns, normal eating patterns. Is he okay when he only sleeps for 20 minutes at a time? When he cries even when he's been fed?
So we tried the gripe water (yeah, I spelled that right). We tried the moving his feet counter-clockwise to relieve gas. We tried taking him outside, bringing him inside, feeding him right away, waiting to feed him. We tried the football hold, the pillow, the gripe water, and I said that already! Just nothing but crying and flailing and crying. Do you know how it feels to have the person who's whole life you're responsible for be suffering and you can't do a thing about it??
Is this some kind of digestive disorder? Did we accidentally have him looking at the tv screen when the ad for the next slasher flick came on and now he's traumatized? Am I holding him "wrong"? Is he pissed off all the time and will this some day come out when he's 22 and a meth addict and we're bailing him out of jail and he says, "Dad, why didn't you just figure out what was bothering me at 5 weeks, my life could have been totally different and I wouldn't be here right now picking scabs off my face and playing Frogger all day"?
And then we gave him a hat.
Problem solved.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
"Kids will change your life forever"
I suppose this is true. Certainly everyone around me who has kids enjoyed pointing that out to me over and over again (for my own good I'm sure). I have a feeling that the more emphatically that advice is given, the more the giver regrets what they lost when they had kids. But for a second, look at the OTHER things in your life that change you and your outlook on the world around you. I haven't been the same since the Oilers traded Gretzky, or since I saw The Shining, or since Gary Cherone joined Van Halen.
Every significant moment or experience in your life changes you permanently, so it's no surprise that having a kid does as well. The thing is, I simply don't care. For example: I used to get up at 6:30, have a coffee and breakfast and watch Sportscentre for a half hour before I went to work. I haven't done this since Nik was born, and I don't miss it. I used to play guitar for 4 or 5 hours at a time, and I don't do this anymore either, but it's my own fault. The less TV I watch at night the more time I would have for music, so it's not my kid but rather my own lack of discipline that steals my time away.
But I do have one piece of advice on this point. Don't have kids until going out at night (every week) gets kind of boring. There will be a day when you walk into your favorite Friday night hangout (mine was The Brunswick House in Toronto) and you'll look around and say to yourself, "Meh, this isn't really for me anymore" (this happened to me when I was 25 and going out to bars just never had the same allure after the Brunny lost it's warm glowing warming glow). Be honest with yourself when this happens. Don't repress the forces of change. You'll be much happier for it.
If you have kids AFTER this point in your life, you can let your mind rest easy knowing you've missed nothing of your youth. If you have kids BEFORE this point, then yeah, you're gonna have to assume you missed some stuff you would have otherwise liked to do. So if you're 18 and still partying like a mad man/woman, wrap up the monkey. Simple as that.
Now also keep in mind that I have an excellent wife, a fairly decent job, lots of generous family and friends, and I live in a city that's clean, safe, and cheap. Having a kid under these circumstances should not be that hard, and it' isn't.
And yes, I AM different, and it HAS affected my life and it HAS thrown off my sleep and my schedule. But I don't care. Even in the 3 weeks I've been a dad, the rewards far outweigh the sacrifices.
Every significant moment or experience in your life changes you permanently, so it's no surprise that having a kid does as well. The thing is, I simply don't care. For example: I used to get up at 6:30, have a coffee and breakfast and watch Sportscentre for a half hour before I went to work. I haven't done this since Nik was born, and I don't miss it. I used to play guitar for 4 or 5 hours at a time, and I don't do this anymore either, but it's my own fault. The less TV I watch at night the more time I would have for music, so it's not my kid but rather my own lack of discipline that steals my time away.
But I do have one piece of advice on this point. Don't have kids until going out at night (every week) gets kind of boring. There will be a day when you walk into your favorite Friday night hangout (mine was The Brunswick House in Toronto) and you'll look around and say to yourself, "Meh, this isn't really for me anymore" (this happened to me when I was 25 and going out to bars just never had the same allure after the Brunny lost it's warm glowing warming glow). Be honest with yourself when this happens. Don't repress the forces of change. You'll be much happier for it.
If you have kids AFTER this point in your life, you can let your mind rest easy knowing you've missed nothing of your youth. If you have kids BEFORE this point, then yeah, you're gonna have to assume you missed some stuff you would have otherwise liked to do. So if you're 18 and still partying like a mad man/woman, wrap up the monkey. Simple as that.
Now also keep in mind that I have an excellent wife, a fairly decent job, lots of generous family and friends, and I live in a city that's clean, safe, and cheap. Having a kid under these circumstances should not be that hard, and it' isn't.
And yes, I AM different, and it HAS affected my life and it HAS thrown off my sleep and my schedule. But I don't care. Even in the 3 weeks I've been a dad, the rewards far outweigh the sacrifices.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Happiest Day of My Life
When I was in High School, and I had a rough day, I would always tell myself that soon I'd be out of there and wouldn't have to hang out with a bunch of people I didn't like. Then I got to University, and was always broke and struggling to pass my classes (which were pretty damn hard by anyone's standards) and I'd tell myself that soon I'd be a University grad and I could have a job and be done with all this difficulty.
Then when I graduated University, I got a job I didn't like very much, still struggled with money and didn't like the work, the people OR the pay. So I left and proceeded to bounce around to various jobs, some of which I liked but didn't pay, and some of which I disliked - and still didn't pay.
The entire time of course I was trying to succeed as a musician. More precisely, I was trying to make a popular rock band. It's a difficult trick to pull off - particularly if you don't know this one immutable fact about life (which I didn't): Being good at something, even if you're demonstrably better than almost everyone around you, means absolutely nothing if you haven't got luck on your side. I never realized this consciously until years later when I read Malcolm Gladwell's excellent book Outliers. Without paraphrasing the entire thing, I'll say that it showed me that even the most successful people (musicians among them) got where they did not because they were good, but because they were lucky. That's not to say they WEREN'T good. Just that without luck, talent doesn't matter.
Just this month I've turned 35, been laid off from a job I've had for little more than 2 years, bought a house, have a baby on the way and today realized that I'm gonna have to buy a car that I can't afford and will almost certainly hate because the one I have is a money pit. So I'm once again financially under the gun, but with one important difference. Unlike when I was young and ambitious, I now have no reason to believe that my life will ever be financially comfortable. Based on my history, I will never be what psychologists call "self actualized". In short, I'll never have peace of mind about myself and what I've achieved in my life. This comes from having lots of potential and talent but having almost nothing to show for it.
But I digress...
I started thinking, "Have I EVER had peace of mind in my whole life?". I wondered, have I ever felt like I had lived up to my ambitions and achieved the goals I had set for myself when I started playing music? Yes. I had. I felt fully vindicated and at peace for one day. And I remember the exact date.
It was March 29th, 2008. It was a Sunday.
The Ryde was the band I was in at the time, and after nearly 3 years of practicing, playing small clubs and having near misses with labels and agents, we had finally played what I thought would be the gig of our lives. We opened for a (now forgotten) band called Rides Again (the names are ironic, I know) and just blew them out of the water. In fact, we decimated the entire place. No one wanted to follow us on stage. And what's more, a rep from arguably Canada's biggest talent agency was there and couldn't stop telling us how great we were. To boot, I found out the rep was himself a good friend of a guy I knew in University. It looked like the table was set for us to actually make a go of a real career in music. The following day was a feeling like I had never experienced.
Every one of the thousands of hours I had spent practicing the guitar, finding the right band, working the business side of indie rock (which I HATED doing) felt like it was worth it. It felt like I had spent my life in pursuit of something real and possible and that now it was all going to unfold like I wanted it to. I spent the day with my girlfriend (who is now my wife), we had a nice long walk in the morning, a great breakfast, a whole excellent conversation about the night before. It was a totally great day. I was truly at peace.
Clearly, I don't have to tell you that it didn't work out like it was "supposed to". That was the band's peak and everything we did after that seemed to be marred by bad luck, poor decisions and bitterness. Despite repeated attempts to reach him, the rep wouldn't take our calls and when we ran into him a few weeks later, barely remembered who we were. And to make a long story short, I'm now a laid-off electrician.
Not that there aren't up-sides.
I have a wife I love and who undoubtedly loves me (I mean, shit, she must because my life since I've known her has been just a freakin roller-coaster, and not in a good way). I live in a city I like, in a really great house with my wife's sister and her husband (my best friends). I'm healthy (as far as I know) and as I write this, so is my unborn son.
But I tell you, the low days are pretty hard to deal with.
Then when I graduated University, I got a job I didn't like very much, still struggled with money and didn't like the work, the people OR the pay. So I left and proceeded to bounce around to various jobs, some of which I liked but didn't pay, and some of which I disliked - and still didn't pay.
The entire time of course I was trying to succeed as a musician. More precisely, I was trying to make a popular rock band. It's a difficult trick to pull off - particularly if you don't know this one immutable fact about life (which I didn't): Being good at something, even if you're demonstrably better than almost everyone around you, means absolutely nothing if you haven't got luck on your side. I never realized this consciously until years later when I read Malcolm Gladwell's excellent book Outliers. Without paraphrasing the entire thing, I'll say that it showed me that even the most successful people (musicians among them) got where they did not because they were good, but because they were lucky. That's not to say they WEREN'T good. Just that without luck, talent doesn't matter.
Just this month I've turned 35, been laid off from a job I've had for little more than 2 years, bought a house, have a baby on the way and today realized that I'm gonna have to buy a car that I can't afford and will almost certainly hate because the one I have is a money pit. So I'm once again financially under the gun, but with one important difference. Unlike when I was young and ambitious, I now have no reason to believe that my life will ever be financially comfortable. Based on my history, I will never be what psychologists call "self actualized". In short, I'll never have peace of mind about myself and what I've achieved in my life. This comes from having lots of potential and talent but having almost nothing to show for it.
But I digress...
I started thinking, "Have I EVER had peace of mind in my whole life?". I wondered, have I ever felt like I had lived up to my ambitions and achieved the goals I had set for myself when I started playing music? Yes. I had. I felt fully vindicated and at peace for one day. And I remember the exact date.
It was March 29th, 2008. It was a Sunday.
The Ryde was the band I was in at the time, and after nearly 3 years of practicing, playing small clubs and having near misses with labels and agents, we had finally played what I thought would be the gig of our lives. We opened for a (now forgotten) band called Rides Again (the names are ironic, I know) and just blew them out of the water. In fact, we decimated the entire place. No one wanted to follow us on stage. And what's more, a rep from arguably Canada's biggest talent agency was there and couldn't stop telling us how great we were. To boot, I found out the rep was himself a good friend of a guy I knew in University. It looked like the table was set for us to actually make a go of a real career in music. The following day was a feeling like I had never experienced.
Every one of the thousands of hours I had spent practicing the guitar, finding the right band, working the business side of indie rock (which I HATED doing) felt like it was worth it. It felt like I had spent my life in pursuit of something real and possible and that now it was all going to unfold like I wanted it to. I spent the day with my girlfriend (who is now my wife), we had a nice long walk in the morning, a great breakfast, a whole excellent conversation about the night before. It was a totally great day. I was truly at peace.
Clearly, I don't have to tell you that it didn't work out like it was "supposed to". That was the band's peak and everything we did after that seemed to be marred by bad luck, poor decisions and bitterness. Despite repeated attempts to reach him, the rep wouldn't take our calls and when we ran into him a few weeks later, barely remembered who we were. And to make a long story short, I'm now a laid-off electrician.
Not that there aren't up-sides.
I have a wife I love and who undoubtedly loves me (I mean, shit, she must because my life since I've known her has been just a freakin roller-coaster, and not in a good way). I live in a city I like, in a really great house with my wife's sister and her husband (my best friends). I'm healthy (as far as I know) and as I write this, so is my unborn son.
But I tell you, the low days are pretty hard to deal with.
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